Is It Gay to Date a Femboy?

Maybe it started with a glance you didn’t expect. A guy at a party in eyeliner and a cropped jumper, or a profile you kept scrolling back to.

You’ve always thought of yourself as one thing. Now you’re drawn to someone who doesn’t fit the box you thought you lived in, and you’ve got questions.

You’re far from the first man to wonder this. Here at Male Encounters, our femboy dating community is built for femboys and the men who fancy them. So let’s talk it through, one question at a time.

The short answer: it doesn’t decide anything for you

Being a femboy is about how someone presents. The clothes, the make-up, the softness, the style. That’s gender expression.

Being gay is about who you’re attracted to. That’s sexual orientation.

They’re two separate things. A femboy can be gay, straight, bi or anything in between. The man who dates him doesn’t get handed a label at the door either.

So is it gay? Most femboys identify as men, so if you’re a man dating one, there’s a same-sex side to it. Plenty of people would call that gay or bi. But the only person who gets to decide what it says about you is you.

So what does it make me?

This is where most men get stuck. When guys in your position talk about it online, the same handful of answers comes up again and again.

• You might be bisexual. Bi doesn’t have to mean a neat 50/50 split, and lots of bi men lean much more one way than the other.

• You might be gay and only now working it out. That’s allowed at 22 and it’s allowed at 52.

• You might be drawn to femininity itself, whoever it belongs to. Some people call this gynosexual.

• You might be mostly straight with an exception or two, which some people call heteroflexible.

• You might not want a label at all, and that’s fine too.

You’d be in good company whichever it is. In the 2021 census, the Office for National Statistics found 624,000 people in England and Wales described themselves as bisexual. And that’s only the people who chose to answer a voluntary question.

You don’t need to sort out your identity before your first date. A lot of men only work it out by living it, one coffee and one conversation at a time.

Prefer to start somewhere with no strings while you find your feet? Male Encounters also lists verified femboy escorts, where a discreet, no-pressure meeting is the whole point.

What if it’s only ever him?

Some men find it’s one person who changes everything. They’ve never looked twice at another man, and they might never again.

That’s allowed. Attraction isn’t a contract, and one connection doesn’t oblige you to rewrite your whole history or predict your future.

Other men find that once the door’s open, they notice it more. A certain look, a certain softness, a certain kind of confidence.

Neither path is the “right” one. Pay attention to how you feel, be kind to yourself about it and let it unfold.

Is it just a phase?

People love to ask this, usually in a tone that isn’t helpful. The truth is that nobody can tell you from the outside.

Even if your feelings change down the line, that doesn’t make them fake now. What you feel today is real today, and that’s enough to go on.

He might be figuring things out too

It’s easy to make this all about your own feelings. But the person you’re seeing has a story of their own.

Some femboys are settled in who they are. They’re men who love a skirt and a slick of lip gloss, and that’s the beginning and end of it.

Others use the femboy label while they work out who they are. Some later find they’re gender-fluid, non-binary or trans. It isn’t a given, but it does happen.

If it happens to you, the kindest thing you can do is listen. Use the name and pronouns they ask for. Then talk openly about where you both are and what you each want, because you’re both learning as you go.

Worried what people will think?

For a lot of men, the attraction isn’t the hard part. The idea of someone finding out is.

That fear is real, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It mostly comes from years of being told what men are supposed to want.

You don’t owe anyone an announcement. Keeping things private while you settle into it is fine, and when you’re ready, start with one person you trust.

Be open with the man you’re seeing about where you stand, though. Being someone’s secret gets tiring fast. He deserves to know whether this is a fling, something more or something you’re still working out.

Date the person, not the fantasy

Ask femboys what spoils dating for them and you’ll hear one complaint more than any other. Being treated as a fetish or a novelty, wanted for the look and not the man wearing it.

So treat him the way you’d treat anyone you liked. Ask about his job, his friends, his terrible taste in music. Don’t make his clothes the whole conversation.

Don’t assume what he’s into, in bed or out of it. Let him tell you.

Take him somewhere you’d take any date. If he’d feel safer in a queer-friendly bar than a sports pub, go there and enjoy it. Most of the advice in our guide on how to date gay men works here too.

The short version

Dating a femboy doesn’t automatically make you anything. Femboy describes how someone presents, not who their partner is.

You might be gay, bi, into femininity or happy without a label. You get to decide, and you get to take your time.

Meanwhile, be kind, be clear and treat the man in front of you as a person first.

Curious? Start with Male Encounters

If all this has you wanting to meet someone, this is where we come in.

Male Encounters is a UK gay dating community for men looking for relationships, casual dates and friendships. Our femboy dating space puts femboys and the men who admire them in the same place, so nobody has to guess.

The idea is simple. Real connection with real people, and less time spent decoding vague profiles.

Every profile is verified, so the person in the photos is the person you’ll meet. Your details stay private and secure, the search is easy to use and members are spread right across the UK.

Getting started takes a few minutes. Create your profile, say what you’re looking for, then browse and reach out when someone catches your eye.

When you’re ready, have a look through our femboy gay dating profiles and see who’s nearby.